The Narcissistic Parent | The Scapegoat Child, and the Impact in Adulthood

A scapegoat is someone or something you blame. When children are used as scapegoats, they are held responsible for all of the problems that develop in dysfunctional families.

Ultimately, we will learn what it means to be a scapegoat and how we can prevent it in our relationships. We will learn how to love, respect, and accept others without being a scapegoat.

Scapegoat | A narcissistic parent

The narcissistic parent enables their child to become a scapegoat. They take advantage of their child’s irrational fear of authority figures and their lack of interest in hobbies.

They may also act recklessly or become involved in fights with authority figures. The child can grow up to be a scapegoat if they’re allowed to be, and this behavior reinforces the narcissistic parent’s claims of love and affection.

The narcissistic parent may use a child as a scapegoat to drill into their psyches and make them feel guilty and worthless. The child, in turn, may feel that something is wrong with them despite having good social grace and a sense of humor. Then, later in adulthood, they may seek help but be dismissed by others who don’t know what they’re going through.

In adulthood, the narcissist may make their golden child jealous of their siblings, while the scapegoat feels the same way. The narcissistic parent uses the golden child to bully the scapegoat. The narcissist may be subtle, saying the right thing, but in reality, she’s angry that their child was achieving something.

Scapegoats often struggle with self-esteem and find themselves attracted to other narcissists or abusers. These scapegoats may also unconsciously sabotage their relationships with healthy people. They may attempt to escape the pain through self-destruction and self-delusion. Their sense of powerlessness is often so extreme that they try to escape it through various vices.

Scapegoating is a form of bullying

Scapegoating is a common form of childhood bullying, and it can also occur in adulthood. It happens when a parent or family member chooses one child over another as the scapegoat for an internal conflict in their life.

For example, narcissistic parents may prefer a child who will bring them the most glory and boost their public image. Parents may also scapegoat a child who reminds them of an ex-partner. In other cases, a parent might pick a child based on their skin color or sexual orientation to be a threat.

The child may become the scapegoat if both parents sanction the bullying. In some cases, the victim is brainwashed and suffers from low self-esteem and Identity Disturbance. Scapegoats suffer from chronic insecurity and often fall into the victim role. They may also unconsciously repeat the pattern of scapegoating. They are often confused about their identity and do not recognize it as a self-fulfilling pattern.

When grown-ups are scapegoated, they will find it difficult to disagree with other people. Disagreement brings the self into sharp focus and allows for dialogue. Dialogue requires two subjectivities to engage in authentic contact. In the case of scapegoating, there was no safe reception, and the victim had to hide. The result is a cycle of harm, humiliation, and low self-esteem.

The underlying cause of scapegoating is self-hatred. The bully projects their self-hatred feelings on others. They also believe that by shaming someone else, they somehow give themselves a positive image. It is an attempt to distract others from their failures. Scapegoating also occurs in relationships between adults. It is widespread among alcoholics.

Scapegoating affects a child in adulthood

Observations of scapegoated children have suggested that they act out their family problems to express their anger and frustration. This may result in further mischaracterization by family members.

A scapegoated child may also have trouble identifying what they want and making secure attachments to the primary figures in their life. As an adult, a child who has experienced scapegoating may experience a lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, and feelings of isolation.

The child may try to protect family members by being a scapegoat themselves. Scapegoats must hide their problems to avoid being labeled a scapegoat by others. They also may be susceptible to addictions or poor self-care. Because of the adverse effects of scapegoating, they may also be drawn to unloving partners. Scapegoated children may leave the dysfunctional home early.

Children who have experienced scapegoating can be highly susceptible to developing narcissistic characteristics later on. They may become attractive to other narcissistic or abusive individuals, leading to a life of covert narcissism. Scapegoated children often identify themselves as victims and may even use victimization to get sympathy from others.

Scapegoating is an example of a dysfunctional family structure in which the children are often the victim of blaming. The scapegoat is often the eldest child in this environment, and the golden child is the opposite. As a result, scapegoating children often struggle to fulfill the expectations placed upon them by their narcissistic parents and fail to live up to their potential.

Scapegoating affects a child in adult relationships

A child who has experienced scapegoating may experience explosive anger, pessimism, and resentment as an adult. They may also exhibit behaviors such as over-involvement in relationships with intimate partners. These behaviors may stem from the fact that a child’s identity and self-worth have been damaged by the abuse and neglect experienced while growing up.

A child who has been scapegoated may have suffered emotional trauma from a parent’s abusive behavior. Often, the child who was the scapegoat is the weakest child or the child whose behavior was punished for nothing more than being a “problem” to others. As a result, these children may be isolated as adults, resulting in a negative impact on their self-esteem.

Scapegoated children often have a strong sense of fairness and instinctively protest against any injustice. They may have difficulty handling their anxiety because they are so sensitive and intelligent. They may even believe they will get their parents’ attention if they do something good. Scapegoated children need to learn to cope with their anxiety. The consequences of scapegoating are profound and long-lasting.

Scapegoating affects a child’s self-esteem, as they become the target of the narcissist’s negative projections. In addition to being victims, they may become the scapegoat in their own families and relationships. This can lead to a painful and lonely existence, making it challenging to stay connected with other family members on Christmas day or any other day. The victim of scapegoating may not even be able to find friends and family because their partner will not accept them.

Children who have been abused or neglected may also suffer the effects of scapegoating in adulthood. Despite their attempts to hide their problems, these children may become scapegoats. They may even try to protect their family members by becoming the family’s “golden child.” This type of narcissism may lead to a child exhibiting increased anxiety, depression, and depression symptoms.

Golden Child is a narcissistic parent

In adulthood, the golden child may continue to behave like a “conformer,” or she may wake up to manipulating the narcissistic parent. Ultimately, the golden child may learn to love herself and put her needs before her mother’s. However, while she may grow into a self-confident woman, her golden child status will ultimately hurt her.

The narcissistic parent sees the golden child as a scapegoat. The scapegoat child is a “bad apple,” one who has to take the fall for the misbehaviors of their family. In this role, the golden child is a victim of family secrets and is often gaslighted into believing that the abuse is her fault.

The golden child puts themselves under high pressure to meet unrealistic expectations from their parents. They don’t know what unconditional love is, so they avoid it or pick up unhealthy coping mechanisms. They may become jealous, controlling, or manipulative. Even worse, they may spend long hours studying and worrying about the next game. As an adult, the golden child may feel shame for their parents’ actions, which can lead to unstable behavior and a higher risk of depression.

While accepting a narcissist requires a willingness to change, it will help to reduce the reactiveness to the parent’s behavior. In some cases, therapy will help a golden child untangle their complicated feelings about the past. Couples therapy can improve the dynamic between the two. In many cases, therapy can help. A therapist may be able to identify the underlying issues that are causing the golden child syndrome and help them overcome them.